Friday, April 24, 2009

Facebook Musings

I finally came out of the dark ages and joined Facebook today. Blogging has become a means of self-therapy for me: a way to jot down thoughts on projects or trips and clear out the mental clutter. Since I'm barely able to maintain any level of consistency with my blog, I've always told myself that I just don't have time for Facebook but if I'm honest, that's not the real reason I haven't joined. Want to hear my really lame excuse? My weight!! Isn't that the silliest and saddest thing you've ever heard?! It's amazing to me how much I've allowed what I look like to control what I do or don't do in life and I hate to think of people from my past perusing my photo and dismissing me or not thinking of me as a worthwhile person because I've gained like 1,000 pounds since high school. There was a boy in elementary school that I had a crush on (yes, that's how far back this goes...I'm so pitiful!) who once told me that he liked me and thought I was pretty but didn't want anyone to know because (and I quote) "You're fat". You'd think I could move on from cruel comments made by a pre-pubescent boy who probably doesn't even remember me but it's amazingly true how we allow ourselves to feel inferior for the minutest of things. The media crams its version of beauty down our throats everywhere we go, to the point that we're so appearance conscious that I think we often miss seeing the true beauty of people we come into contact with because we're focused on the outward appearance. It's even true at church, where often people are sought out because they "look" like a Christian. You know what I'm talking about: the right clothes, the right haircut, the Bible tucked under the arm, etc. For all my insecurities, I'm just as guilty of putting more stock in appearances than I should but I want to strive to reach out to people and get to know them for who they are and not what they appear to be. So I'm hoping that by putting my toe out there to test the Facebook waters, I'll be able to re-establish old friendships and make new ones without anyone caring what I look like but want to reach out because of who I am as a person and vice versa. Okay, now that I've aired my little insecurity for the day, I'm going to go out and enjoy the beautiful weather before it once again departs. Thanks for subjecting yourself to my angst and if you want, look me up on Facebook and ask me to be your friend so I don't look friendless! Ha! Have a wonderful day!

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